WOW... it's 10:00 am and I thought I'd try phoning my mom and didn't she pick up her own phone and talk to me a bit!!! Sounded like I woke her up but hey.. this is great!!!!
hmm updating here.. got to the hospital around 12:45 pm to find her pretty sluggish again. I'm trying to be positive though on her behalf with the fact she answered her own phone this morning after several rings. And talked to me a bit too.
Nurse is trying to get her to take her pills. She is on fluids again i.v. for some reason, damned if I know, they tell me nothing unless I hunt them down and seek answers and depending on which Dr I get, at times I just get the feeling of condescension and that I'm wasting their precious time. Well time with my mom is precious too Bubba. I am so so tired of the "she's old" routine. We are suppose to accept this statement as a fact that it makes her unworthy of trying harder for her, that it makes her unnecessary to society, that we should just let her die and get it over will. Bullshit. She's a champion, a fighter, and she doesn't want to go yet.
I'm still rather annoyed at the i.c.u. Dr that will not follow her wishes. She wants to be resuscitated, she knows she can fight back if given a good chance. He on the other hand gives me this : Well, if she was a cancer patient and wanted chemo but we thought chemo was not going to work for her, we wouldn't give it". There was another example he used too however... just because he doesn't think she's worth saving doesn't mean she isn't. He had absolutely no reason to disrespect her wishes. I had this conversation with her just a couple of weeks back. After every time she has a hard time and ends up in hospital, we have this conversation. I want to make sure I'm doing exactly what she wants. If she wants heroic measures then it's his job to do that. He is really rather crude. Tells me.. "do you really want us to crush her chest and break her ribs, etc.". It's overkill and unnecessary. I know what happens and I also know they have paddles they can use to shock her heart back that they can have at the ready. I've already put her on a ventilator once and she thanked me for it when she got off it.
She says she doesn't want to die because she isn't ready. When she is she will let go. Just like her mom did before her. According to this Dr. no one ever says they want to die. Really? You just ask any nurse, they will tell you patients say that all the time. My grandmother (her mother) did exactly that. The next time I saw him he got really angry at me for asking her if she wanted to die. The final time I saw him he stood at the foot of her bed, very sullen.. telling me they've done everything that is not invasive. Invasive??? At this point he really didn't even know she had had the aneurysm. He didn't have any answers to what happened last Monday but he's certainly very opinionated as to what he believes the end results should be.
We are very up front with each other, my mom and I, and I'll do anything she asks or wants. He on the other hand seems to think I know nothing. He knows best and he knows what she wants. The bullshit is getting so deep around here that I'm going to need hip waders soon.
Well hell... the fire alarm is going off in here. Now what?
No idea what that was about but was some time before they announced the all clear. I decided to go to the Senator Restaurant go grab my lunch when the alarm went off. Since we couldn't use the elevators or anything until the all clear came, by the time I got to the Senator for my club house on challah the damn restaurant was in the process of closing for the day. They close at 2:30 on Mondays and it was now 2:45 :-( had to go to the stupid cafeteria here and eat fried food. ugh.. either that or Timmies which I can't stand either. You cannot get a decent, healthy meal in this hospital anywhere. Timmies, Second Cup and everything fried at the cafeteria. They stop serving anything hot in this place by 2 pm and there are slim pickings for anything good after that and even the hot meals here are bad.
It's later now.. I'm so tired that I lost my balance and thankfully hit the chair on the way down and not the floor. Hurt my back some though. Things started changing around 6 pm for my mom. She started getting agitated and confused. I had a talk with her nurse but she seems not all that concerned that my mom may fall out of bed! So.. before I left for the night, I wrote the following email to my mom's care manager who is remarkable at her job ...
Not too long after you left my mom started getting a bit agitated. Then she started getting a bit delusional. At 6:30 she got really agitated and started telling me she had to get off the bed! She was almost yelling at me that she had to get off the bed! She then started making no sense telling me her waist was getting too tight.
I told her nurse (Katrina) and she said she may have to give her something. Now.. when I asked one time when they actually put soft restraints on her in the emerg if they could give her something to calm her down instead I was told no because it can make the delusions even worse since those things work on the brain. Katrina also said she would tell the evening nurse.
I wanted to go home early tonight however the situation is getting worse, not better. By 7 pm she was still complaining loudly about her waist being tight and something about putting her legs on! I took the sheets off her and that calmed her a bit but then it started right back up. Katrina was called into the room by the lady in the next bed to move her position so while she was in here I asked if she could please move my mom too and maybe that would calm her.
I got a loud sigh. Really? Listen.. I have to go home at some point. Being exhausted isn't helping my health and I'm sorry but I can't sit here 24/7 and watch my mom. This place won't give her a sitter so it's up to the nurse. She did come over with a c.a. and move my mom and right now she's calmed down.
We had yet another conversation though.. This girl is just a contradiction to whatever I say or have been told by a Dr or another nurse. It was her that told me I can't cut the pills smaller yet another nurse has crushed them and a Dr ok'd me cutting them up small to get it into her. Now we are arguing about restraints and I really don't like people pretty much rolling their eyes at me either.
I told her when I leave I will put up the 2 bottom rails. I told her I know it's considered a restraint but previously as her p.o.a. as long as I gave my permission when she's like this that they can be used. She pretty much rolls her eyes and says "that's a restraint". I said "that's what I just said but as her p.o.a. as long as I give permission it's ok.".. she says as she rolls her eyes "I've never heard that". So now we are debating the stupid rails. I told her I would much prefer to put up the rails then have the soft restraints used which only agitate her more and I don't believe in tying people up if there is another way. She'll just thrash and possibly hurt herself. She changes her stance and says that the only time all the rails can be put up is if the Dr orders it and no Dr is going to order it. For Christ sake.. enough already. Put the damn rails up instead of strapping her to the bed. Or get her a sitter.
Then the lady in the next bed called her again, I believe she needed her bladder emptied and doesn't Katrina say "they'll do it later, I'm almost off shift". It's only about 7:05 pm. don't make that lady suffer. Not like she has a foley in, she needs and in & out done. She's defenceless. Katrina grumbles and then goes and helps her thank goodness. I don't know what that girls problem is but she has an attitude that needs to be put into check. I'm here all damn day and basically do her job for her so it's not like my mom is demanding. Today we actually used the call bell for once because she needed ondansetron and I couldn't find the nurse. Turns out she was on her break. Normally I just go and ask and wait until the nurse has some time. No more when she's on shift. I'll just keep buzzing if my mom needs anything and let her actually take care of my mom too. She can give her every pill, every drink, etc. And if she doesn't get drinks and she starts to dehydrate then it can be Katrina's fault. I'm tired of this. My mom could be a lot harder to take care of
So it's now 7:20 pm and I'm not gone yet. I'm dead on my feet but am afraid to leave. Looks like I'm blogging again tonight.
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